Before starting any serious commitment, it’s important to be clear on your personal relationship deal breakers, what you can compromise on, and what you cannot.
Absolutely can’t.I used to be that person who would clamor and say, “Oh, I can’t handle this in a relationship.
This is too much for me to bear.” I had always made my standards known and believed I wouldn’t settle for less.
However, being in a healthy relationship has taught me that you’ll have to make many compromises, even if they don’t feel comfortable.
This doesn’t mean lowering your standards or settling for less.
The truth is, every relationship has its challenges. No union is without flaws. We all have our little quirks, habits, and things our partner just has to “manage.”
But then… There are the red lines.
No amount of love or patience can fix certain patterns, behaviors, and attitudes.
These are the relationship deal breakers, things that erode trust, dim your light, and leave you second-guessing your worth.
And if you’ve ever stayed in a relationship too long, hoping it would get better, you know exactly how soul-crushing that can feel.
Here are 18 relationship deal breakers that’re just too tough to endure. If you’re currently facing any of these, consider this your gentle permission to stop normalizing what’s breaking you.
Relationship Deal Breakers That Are Too Tough to Endure
1. Consistent Disrespect
It’s in the way they speak to you. The sarcasm, the passive-aggressive digs, the constant dismissiveness.
No relationship can survive without a baseline of respect. If someone makes you feel small regularly, that’s not love, it’s erosion.
And what happens when you bring their attention to how they treat you?
They tell you that you caused it, or that’s just how they are.
Trust me, being in a relationship where disrespect is constantly thrown in your face is a recipe for future disaster.
2. Lying and Deceit
It could either be little white lies or big cover-ups, but dishonesty chips away at trust. And without trust, there’s no relationship, just a performance of one.
Constant lies are generally big red flags. There’s no reason to remain with someone who lies to your face about every little thing.
It’s not something anyone should tolerate. Because trust me, from lying, they’ll begin to cheat and even do worse things. They already have a way of always lying and covering up for it.
3. Emotional Unavailability
You’re there, present, vulnerable… and they’re distant, distracted, or shut down. If someone is incapable of meeting you emotionally, you’ll forever feel like you’re loving them alone.
No relationship should exist if one of the partners is emotionally distant or unavailable. It’s like pouring water into a basket. Love and emotions are not reciprocated, and with time, you’ll get drained and tired.
4. Verbal Abuse
This is a no-no.
I’m not saying this to brag, but my partner and I have had our share of tough times together. We’ve had issues that were enough to throw us off the ship.
However, there has never been a moment of verbal abuse. No matter how tense the moment is, we sort it out amicably or try to wait till the tension is down.
But if you’re in a relationship where there’s yelling, name-calling, and insults masked as jokes, these aren’t “bad days.” This is abuse. And if you’re constantly hurt by their words, your heart is already bleeding.
5. Cheating or Serial Infidelity
One-time slip-up or not, repeated betrayal breaks more than just trust—it breaks your sense of safety and self-worth.
If they keep hurting you and calling it love, it’s time to love yourself enough to walk away.
And don’t let anyone tell you they still love you after doing what causes you pain
. Cheating is part of it. If they don’t respect themselves—and you—enough to share their heart and body with you alone, then you shouldn’t be with them in the first place.
6. Stonewalling and the Silent Treatment
Communication is oxygen for relationships.
If they shut down during conflict or punish you with silence, they’re choosing power over partnership. And that’s not okay.
As much as I understand that people handle situations differently, and sometimes, they may want to take their time to process what happened.
However, if they leave you on read for days or weeks, ignore your calls, or pay no attention to you because you both are currently not on good terms, then that’s a huge red flag.
You shouldn’t treat anyone you claim to love with such kind of attitude.
7. No Effort
You’re doing the emotional heavy lifting. Planning the dates. Initiating the calls. Solving the issues.
Relationships require mutual effort, and if you’re the only one trying, you’re not in a relationship; you’re in a performance.
If they claim to love you, let them show it by putting in the effort and lifting their fingers. They cannot be complacent and claim to love you. Be careful.
8. Lack of Accountability
They never apologize.
Everything is your fault. They twist every disagreement into your failure. If someone can’t own their part, they can’t grow—and neither can the relationship.
Apart from being accountable to you, who are they accountable to? If they have no one they can listen to, then trust me, that’s another recipe for disaster.
9. Addiction With No Willingness to Heal
Love can’t cure addiction. If your partner struggles with substance abuse or destructive habits and refuses to seek help, it’s okay to step away.
Your peace matters too.
10. Jealousy and Possessiveness
It may feel like flattery at first, but it can quickly become control. If they monitor your phone, isolate you from friends, or question your every move, that’s not protection, it’s fear disguised as love.
When your partner is constantly jealous of you, you’ll no longer feel peace or safe with them, and I don’t think that’s what love is about.
11. Financial Irresponsibility
When your partner gambles your shared income, refuses to contribute, or keeps secrets about money, it breeds resentment and insecurity.
Financial recklessness isn’t sexy. It’s stressful.
This is not to say that everyone has a perfect grip on financial responsibility. We all may have to learn it in one way or another.
But the real question is: are they willing to learn, unlearn, and relearn? If they aren’t, then you already know the answer.
12. Criticism Over Compliments
If you can count how often they praise you on one hand but need two hands for how often they criticize, something’s off.
Love should affirm you, not constantly pick you apart.
They shouldn’t always remind you of what you’re not doing right while ignoring what you are doing well.
13. Making You Feel Like a Backup Plan
If they can’t commit, always seem unsure, or make you feel like they’re just “seeing where it goes,” believe them.
You’re not a placeholder. You deserve someone who chooses you without blinking.
14. Incompatibility in Core Values
You want a family; they don’t. You believe in faith; they don’t respect it. You’re ambitious; they mock your dreams.
Love can’t thrive where values constantly clash. Attraction alone won’t bridge a values gap.
Are you ready to compromise on all of these without future regret? If you aren’t, then don’t commit to it at all.
15. Gaslighting
If you’re always questioning your reality, replaying conversations, or wondering if you’re “too sensitive,” you might be getting gaslit.
It’s not a miscommunication, it’s manipulation. And who knows, you might be dating a narcissist.
16. They Belittle Your Goals or Passions
You tell them your dream, and they laugh. Or worse, they say it’s unrealistic. Love supports. Love uplifts.
Anyone who makes you feel stupid for wanting more is projecting their limitations.
They should support you and believe in you more than anyone else. If they are doing the opposite, then you shouldn’t be with someone who will continually make you feel downgraded for the rest of your life.
17. Unhealed Trauma That Spills into the Relationship
We all have baggage. However, if they refuse to unpack theirs and it bleeds into how they treat you, that’s not fair.
Healing is a personal responsibility. You’re not a rehab center for broken behavior. Allow them to fix themselves.
18. You’re Always More Anxious Than At Peace
One of the things I value most in a relationship is peace. Once I lose my peace, trust me, I’m done.
That gnawing feeling in your chest. That walking-on-eggshells vibe. The constant emotional rollercoaster.
If your relationship brings more anxiety than calm, it’s your body telling you something isn’t right.
Maybe you both just aren’t meant to be.
Wrapping Up
Not every hard season in a relationship is a deal breaker. But some patterns run deeper than “bad days.”
These deal breakers are not an overreaction or you “being dramatic.” They are valid reasons to pause and ask yourself:
“Am I truly loved here, or just tolerated?”
If a relationship constantly makes you feel less than, confused, invisible, or emotionally drained, then it’s already breaking you.
And you deserve more than just holding on for the sake of not starting over.
So if any of these deal breakers feel like your daily reality, take a deep breath. Step back. And ask the most important question of all:
“Is this the love I prayed for?”
Because real and healthy love won’t make you shrink, ache, or doubt yourself.
And no matter how long you’ve stayed, you still have the right to choose peace.
