There’s an art to flirting—knowing when to tease, when to compliment, and when to just walk away with your dignity.
I dated a guy for 6 months and during that period I saw a lot of girls stropped in and pout of his life. Yes, he was quite popular on campus, but he had no boundaries with them.
He was always calling, texting, helping them out wth stuff, and giving them the impression that he wasn’t into something serious.
Did he love me then, maybe? I cannot say. But I left, I just couldn’t stand it.
And guess what? He’s currently in a relationship with one of those girls. I guessed right.
I see no reason why anyone should be involved in subtle flirting who isn’t your partner.
Flirting while in a relationship is one of those grey areas people don’t talk about enough. It’s easy to justify, downplay, or label as “harmless fun.”
But if you’re in a committed relationship, and you’re actively entertaining attention outside of it or giving it, you owe it to yourself and your partner to look at it for what it is.
What Counts as Flirting?
Flirting is more than just compliments or banter.
It’s about intention and how you communicate with someone in a way that hints at romantic or sexual interest, even subtly.
Sometimes, it could be through text, body language, eye contact, inside jokes, or conversations you wouldn’t feel comfortable having in front of your partner.
It’s also not about being friendly, everyone should be friendly.
However, are your actions inviting someone to see you as available when you’re not.
Why People Flirt Outside Their Relationship
People flirt for different reasons:
- Validation: You enjoy feeling desired, especially if your partner isn’t giving you that same energy anymore.
- Boredom: Things feel too “routine” in your relationship, and a little flirtation feels like you can spice things up a bit..
- Ego boost: It feels good to know you’ve still got it.
- Insecurity: You’re unsure about your relationship, but instead of facing it, you distract yourself with attention elsewhere.
Most people don’t wake up intending to disrespect their partner.
But flirting can easily become a form of emotional disconnection, even from an unknown action.
So, Is It Really That Deep?
Yes.
Because it’s not just about what you’re doing, it’s about why you’re doing it and what it does to your partner.
If you wouldn’t be okay with your partner doing the same thing with someone else, then deep down, you know it’s crossing a line.
Flirting might not be physical, but it can still be a breach of emotional trust. And once that trust is broken, trust me, it’s hard to repair.
The Emotional Impact
When one partner flirts with someone else, it creates a shift in the relationship dynamic, even if the other person doesn’t immediately find out.
There’s a level of attention, emotional energy, or secrecy being shared with someone outside the relationship.
That creates emotional distance, even if it’s not intentional.
For the person on the receiving end (your partner), it can make them feel:
- Replaced or not enough
- Confused about your loyalty
- Insecure or unworthy of your full commitment
This isn’t just about you anymore — it’s about what your actions say to the person you’re supposed to be choosing, every day.
“But I Didn’t Sleep With Them”
This is a common excuse people give.
But cheating isn’t always physical.
Emotional infidelity is just as real and sometimes more painful because it involves vulnerability and connection that should be reserved for your partner.
If you’re sharing flirty messages, keeping secrets, or emotionally depending on someone outside your relationship in a way that’s romantic or intimate… you’ve already crossed a line.
How to Know You’ve Gone Too Far
Ask yourself:
- Would I be okay showing these conversations to my partner?
- If my partner were behaving this way with someone else, how would I feel?
- Am I hiding, deleting, or sugarcoating anything?
- Am I leaning into attention that feels good, even though I know it’s not appropriate?
If you can’t answer those questions honestly without cringing a little, then it’s probably not as harmless as you’re telling yourself it is.
What to Do if You’re the One Flirting
First, get honest with yourself.
What’s the real reason you’re flirting?
Are you feeling neglected in your relationship? Are you seeking validation? Is it just habit?
Whatever it is, own it.
And if your relationship still matters to you, make a decision to pull back. Set boundaries with that person. Reinvest in your actual relationship instead of outsourcing emotional connection elsewhere.
Also, talk to your partner. If something’s missing in the relationship, don’t avoid the hard conversations.
Address it. Improve it. Or at the very least, be honest about it.
What to Do if Your Partner is the One Flirting
If you’ve noticed flirtatious behavior that crosses the line, don’t gaslight yourself into silence. Bring it up calmly but directly.
Let them know how it makes you feel, and have a conversation about boundaries. Every relationship needs clear agreements about what is and isn’t okay.
If they dismiss your feelings or continue the behavior, that’s a red flag. Respect and trust should be non-negotiable.
Wrapping Up
Flirting outside your relationship might not feel like cheating at first, but trust me, it does a lot of damage than good.
And in most cases, it’s not the action itself that hurts. It’s the intention, the secrecy, and the disrespect.
If you’re in a relationship, act like it. Don’t keep your partner guessing about where they stand with you, and don’t flirt with lines you wouldn’t want your partner to cross.
